Sex and the City Divas: Developing and owning a sense of self

Being single myself up until five years ago – and working in the fashion industry for Macy’s – I used to love watching the TV series Sex and the City. So I recently dragged my husband to the new release of Sex and the City 2. Watching how each of the four women dressed, developing her own personal style throughout all the years of the TV show, I noticed how comfortable each of them had become in her own skin. Isn’t that the struggle that all of us women leaders face? First we become confused, wondering how our life might be different, and then we begin to accept ourselves and feel at ease.

Courtesy of Warner Bros.

Emerging, Evolving, Invincible Women

In the very beginning of the TV series these women were all single. Over the years, their personal and professional journeys took different paths, which also impacted their style and grace.  Each of the four experienced personal and professional challenges, and while they enjoyed taking a rear-view look into their past– they also knew that life was unfolding new adventures that would see them emerge as even stronger leaders.

In one of the movie scenes all four of them are singing the song by Helen Reddy “I am Woman” in a karaoke bar. Carrie, the main character, has come to realize that her career is changing and evolving and that she has to accept the failure her new book launch. She’s strong and invincible, as the song says, and doesn’t let that disappointment define her. She understands that she must revamp her business column and her books and speak from a different point of view. We are all just like Carrie and the girls. We are women and hear us roar that we are strong, invincible, and constantly evolving and reinventing ourselves.  

Every client I have has changed so much over the years. But some of us choose to accept life’s challenges differently than others.  Here are a few tips to help you sing and unleash your authentic personal brand to exponentially experience greater growth and celebrate the savvy, intelligent, bright, stylish leader you have become. 

Our Career Journeys – As strong women we are all on a career journey, and we know that some parts of the journey are wonderful while there are also periods of disappointment. We have been promoted. We’ve been downsized. As my old boss once told me, you often have to “bloom where you are planted.” All of it is part of the career road map that led us to where we are today. Mistakes and setbacks are the tuition paid along the way for career experience, and they can teach us many things.

In the movie, Carrie’s latest book is condemned as a failure in a magazine review and she is crushed by disappointment. Haven’t we all been crushed by a career derailment? I know that like Carrie, I have. I’ve also had to get back up, dust myself off, and get back in the game.  All successful women at the top of their organizations can tell you the risks – and the mistakes and failures that they made. But they overcame these obstacles and through a great deal of persistence and a positive attitude they rose to the top. The journey isn’t always easy and in fact it is sometimes just downright hard and unfair. But here are a few ideas I would ask you to think about in terms of discovering how you have emerged and evolved into the effective leader you are.   

Our Unique Personal Journeys – We all have our own different personal journeys, too. We follow many winding paths that mold and shape our lives. Some of you, like me, may have been single for many years and then got married later in life. Or you may have married very young and had a large, beautiful family. Others of you may be in the midst of getting a divorce, caring for your elderly parents, or fighting with some personal health issues.  No two of us have experienced the same personal or career journey. That’s what makes us unique. Our personal journeys inform our passions, values, relationships, hobbies, and how we love to spend our free time.

Not Seeing the Forest for the Trees – In the movie, Carrie thinks her two year marriage is boring because it lost the sparkle she experienced when she was dating and going out all the time. She realizes that the only man she has ever loved prefers to stay home and spend time with her. Like this wake-up call for Carrie, each of us needs to acknowledge and recognize all the beautiful friends, partners, and family members that support us. It’s okay to be yourself and accept life’s path. We have all made a few mistakes in life or maybe wished that we had taken a different route – but we didn’t. Let go of the past and celebrate what it has created – you as the woman you are today.  When you accept who you have become and authentically express yourself clearly to others, people feel a greater sense of connection with you.  That’s the whole idea of effective branding, because we all like to do business with those we know, like, and trust. 

Accept the Evolution of Your Style – So many women don’t want to accept the person they have become. Now that doesn’t’ mean that we all don’t have traits or challenges that we need to work on and change or improve. But through our journeys we have become the strong business women we are today! As we have grown along our personal and professional paths we developed our style personality. In the movie, Carrie’s style changed. When she was younger and single she wore more dramatic, revealing, tight clothing. But when she married her lifestyle changed and so did her image and style. We see her in this movie with her authentic “Carrie style” which is still all about high fashion – but as an older woman her style is a bit more refined, sophisticated, and less revealing. She’s married and older, but is still authentic about who she is. She still embraces and celebrates her own individual style.  

Look Age Appropriate but Stylish – Carrie no longer needs to wear revealing clothes. She understands that as we age we can still have authentic style – but it needs to evolve and be age appropriate. I know my personal style has changed through the years and I bet yours has evolved as well. That’s only normal and you should be shifting out of what you liked and wore in your earlier years.  We don’t feel as authentic when we try to dress like we did decades ago when our careers were first starting. It’s okay to have a personal style that really represents you. I’ve seen many women leaders emerge – well into their 70s and 80s – with a great sense of style that really defines their image. But they always look their age – only a more modern version of it.   

Know Thy Attributes - As women we need to accept and leverage our strengths even more so than our male colleagues.  It’s always amazing to me how when I meet clients I can intuitively and immediately see their strengths and gifts. I describe it as one’s effervescence – similar to placing an Alka Seltzer tablet into a glass of water and watching bubbles begin to emerge. It’s the same way when people meet you – there is something that you are passionate about that bubbles to the surface. People immediately notice it coming out of every part of you. Once you understand that attribute it becomes a secret branding weapon you can use to leverage your career.

I always tell my clients to take some time for introspection. Think about your personal and professional journey and positively pull all the great events of your life and use them to narrate a branding biography. Know that your journey and personal growth are valuable elements to help you describe your personal brand and style. Stay the course and remember that great brands continue to evolve and reinvent themselves – just as great people do.

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Sarah Hathorn is a professional image consultant, certified personal brand strategist, speaker, and author.

Her company, Illustra Image Consulting, works with high-achieving future leaders and large businesses by enhancing their corporate and personal brand image to take their businesses and careers to the next level.

Blog, Ezine & Website: www.illustraimageconsulting.com

Copyright 2010, Sarah Hathorn, AICI CIP, CPBS